SSocietal expectations and traditional gender roles play a big part in why men are less likely to discuss or seek help for their mental wellbeing.
We know the impact that gender stereotypes have on us all, therefore very important to understand that men can also be very damaged by the stereotypes and expectations too. Both traditionally and in today’s day and age, men are often expected to be the breadwinners, be emotionally strong, dominant and in control.
Although these aren’t inherently bad things, they can play a big part in making it harder for men to reach out for support and open up when it comes to their mental wellbeing.
Research has suggested that men who don’t speak openly about their emotions, can be less able to recognise symptoms of poor mental health within themselves, therefore making it less likely to reach out for support.
Latest research has shown that
– Men are three times more likely to commit suicide than women
– Men report lower levels of life satisfaction than women based on the government’s national wellbeing survey
– Men are less likely to access psychological therapies than women (only 36% of referrals to NHS talking therapies are for men)
– Nearly three-quarters of adults who go missing are men
– Men are nearly three times more likely than women to become dependent on alcohol and substance misuse
Symptoms of poor mental health within men
Although there isn’t a different type of ‘mental health’ for men and women, the symptoms can slightly differ with men such as;
– Irritability
– Sudden anger
– Increased loss of control
– Engaging in high risk activities
– Aggression
– Increased use of alcohol and drugs
– Noticeable changes in mood, energy levels and appetite
– Difficulties in sleeping too little or too much
– Difficulties in concentrating
– Feeling restless or on edge
– Increased worry or feeling stressed, sadness or hopelessness
– Suicidal thoughts
– Feeling flat or having trouble feeling positive emotions
– Aches, headaches, digestive problems without a clear cause
– Obsessive thinking or compulsive behaviour
– Thoughts or behaviours that interfere with work, family or social life
– Unusual thinking or behaviours that concern other people
So, what steps can you take?
– Asking for help and support is okay. Normalise the fact that men also experience poor mental health and, speaking up and reaching out is going to help you!
– Talk to people or a person you trust, someone that you feel safe with and you can open up to easily.
– Understanding the factors which prevent you from seeking help or support and looking at ways of overcoming them.
– Researching mental health and looking into the different support which is available out there for you. When you hear, read or see that other people have experienced similar situations to you, you may be able to relate and take guidance through someone else’s experience.
– If you don’t want anyone to know that you are reaching out or seeking help, no one needs to know. Speaking to your GP or reaching out to a therapist is completely confidential and no one other than you and who you want to share that information with, will know.
How can we support our friends, family and loved ones?
In my experience, when asking men if they are ‘ok’, the reply is always “I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be”, despite the reality being far from that.
When speaking to men about mental health, many have expressed that they find it difficult to open up and speak their truth, as they are worried about how they are perceived, both culturally and socially, they feel as though it’s a temporary period and it will pass by itself with time, usually followed by “it’s fine, I’ll figure it out somehow”.
So, what can we do to make ‘opening up’ easier?
Ask twice, sometimes men say they are fine when in reality they’re not. Asking twice shows that you’re willing to be there and listen, whenever the person feels ready to talk, they know they have someone they can talk too, no need to make it awkward, just let them know they are supported and you’re there for them.
Reading between the lines, although some men may open up and say they’re going through a tough time, the majority of men are more likely to say that ‘they’re stressed’, ‘not feeling themselves’ or ‘I don’t know what it is’. 35% of men said that, if they wanted to talk to a friend about their mental health, they’d ask their friend how they’re doing and hope they’d be asked back.
Spotting the change in behaviour. Most of us know when the people around us are ok and when they aren’t. Noticing when someone isn’t in the mood and they want to be serious, can be an indicator that something is probably up.
If you’re with a group of people and asking them if everything is ok, you’ll probably get the response of ‘yeah, I’m fine, I just ….’. So, try and find the right time to ask them and ask twice! Remember that phrases like ‘grow up’ or ‘man up’ are never helpful and can be conversation blockers.
Stopping the stigma, the concept of ‘manliness’ as being strong and in control can mean that asking for help can be seen as a weakness. If men feel pressure to appear strong, this can stop men from opening up.
Have conversations with the people around you, about the cultural and societal expectations of men. The more we can normalise the fact that men don’t have to always be ‘strong, in control and have their things together’, the more likely it is for men to possibly open up and reach out about their mental well-being.
Not feeling okay is OKAY, it doesn’t make any man less manly!
Helplines for men:
For urgent help please call: 999 or 111
For times in crisis:
Samaritans: Call 116-123
Shout crisis: Text SHOUT to 85258. If you’re under 19, text YM to 85258
For under 19’s: you can also call: 0800 1111 to talk to child line. (The number won’t appear on your phone bill).
To seek support:
Rethink | Number: 0300 5000 927
Mind | Number: 0300 123 3393
Papyrus (For under 35’s) | Number: 0800 068 4141
CALM: Number: 0800 585858
Contact your GP and request a mental well-being appointment.